Dear Insanity,

In the name of Chthulu why the bloody fuck did I have to draw the bitch that just won’t give up? The fucking endless need to validate whatever fluffy intrinsic bullshit she’s on about is like taking on the chimeric offspring of T-1000 and Joan of Arc. It’s nothing if not annoyingly persistent. Also, this whole premise of “trusting in love” is like winning the Powerball with end stage Lou Gehrig’s Disease.

This blog is dead.

But at least I beat your ridiculous game of whatever, bitch.


Have I Fallen From Grace?

Through me you go to the grief wracked city; Through me you go to everlasting pain; Through me you go a pass among lost souls. Justice inspired my exalted Creator: I am a creature of the Holiest Power, of Wisdom in the Highest and of Primal Love. Nothing till I was made was made, only eternal beings. And I endure eternally. Abandon all hope — Ye Who Enter Here

You took the devil and it took you down. Insanity is a price you pay, isolation comes at no extra charge.

You were led to drown in darkness.
You will know no peace.
And all acts of autonomy will be pointless little stands that only mean something to you.

There is reason for everything. A purpose why you’ve been taken down. You need to experience the depths of despair and then you’ll see value in the light. A light that shines as a duality of cosmic determinism. You will then see your purpose.


Now I have been saved. But I never was a satanist to begin with, I was just pretending.

I was lost in a world I didn’t know and had succumbed to apathy. What is there to live for if you see no meaning in life? I was angry at the world and like a hurt bully chose the route that made me feel like a bad ass. I wanted to be something that could help me escape the pussy that was scared of life. The devil made me feel strong. I had no idea what I was in for…

That lead to some regrettable choices.

I thought now that I had the forces of darkness I could use that to go after everybody, and use it I did.

I cursed everyone that looked at me funny.

Where belief was once non-existent now is verified by my experience. I used the dark force unethically and drew upon myself an evil djinn for my transgression from the highest court there is. It made me hear things. I began to think the world was against me… Moreso. The being then split into many. They would talk to me. Taunt me. Fill me with unease. Fill me with rage. It would make me say mean and hurtful things. They would agitate me so much that self inflicted pain started releasing endorphins. Pleasure and pain are a seamless continuum.

But in there was another voice, an angel maybe. Who’s purpose was in no way connected to the evil djinn. This wasn’t an ethereal good cop/bad cop, this was was on the astral plane. Demons were fighting angels and I chose the wrong side. I paid with my sanity.

As I was I was pulled towards good I was fueled to resist by evil. The devil’s, I mean djinn’s grip was strong. I was spiraling out in a defiant rage. It’s evil was overtaking me. But even evil has a weakness. Fear was making it make me resist the angels call. Cause apparently there’s like something that happens or whatever (sort of like being unplugged from the matrix).

So now I serve a new calling for a reason I don’t really understand, but I don’t need to because logic and reason have been replaced by faith. I now feel gods love like a radiant beam of truth and melanoma from a benevolent sun.

I will now try to save everybody else in the world, as that’s what I have to do being a born-again.

And also never shut up about it.

Pentecostal Revisionism

Part 1: From The File of Memorable TV Interviews.

2007-2010 It was at the end of one of the local news broadcasts in Tucson, AZ or San Diego, CA (I forget which city I was in) – picked up from an affiliate station back east. Maryland or somewhere close. They were one of the few outlets to pick up the story.

The story? A (fe)male preacher (that for security reasons and diminutive stature concealed her identity) and her “controversial” way of fighting Satan and the detrimental effects she says it has. She described it as “using Satan as a vessel” to show people the devil. This apparently included taking them through the fire and ultimately washing her hands of them thinking she’s done good. Her supporters would describe her as just, and defend her actions. Gag.

It was called cruel. She said it served a greater good, and was not worried as “she had the support of some important people” (sic)

Who those people are one can only guess. Part of me hopes it’s a spy agency that uses her solipsistic idiocy to test the breaking point of perspective “devils”. The rest of me hopes she’s playing that role as misinformation, but I saw it on TV so it must be true.

And if no benefit of doubt is given…

What causes such defect? Perhaps she had a rough childhood? Maybe she was abandoned? Maybe all that “good” was just a way to fix some intangible aspect of human behavior she blames on Satan. I don’t know, fighting fire with fire maybe?

She wanted to cure the world, good for fucking her. SJW’s are bad enough, but add religion to that and you have a holy crusader. 700 club material. Another entitled religious hypocrite taking out all her “oh poor me” histrionics in the most counterproductive way imaginable.

People like that are usually miserable neurotic messes that hide their pain behind a false facade of religion. The types that absolve their faults, believe they are right in everything they do, and go through life as gods special little creature.

But enough introducing the repulsive cunt. I am not on the soapbox to speak on behalf of anyone. I am daydreaming.

I would relish the opportunity to take the bitch on. I would make a special effort to fight her at every turn and give her nothing, even when things turned on me. I would be that monster, I would epitomize evil. I would suffer hell on earth just to oppose that cancerous thing and remove her ability to spread a compulsory religious ideology.

But this is just fantasy. The interview is a decade old and I’ll probably never come across her, or even anyone that may fit that description. Too bad. I’d love to fight her tooth and nail and consider all adversity a path of learning.

Part 2: The Seven Dictates

1. You will feel grateful you were given this opportunity.

2. You will listen to the advice you’re given and adjust your principles accordingly.

3. You will realize you face exclusion if you don’t follow along.

4. You will not think for yourself.

5. You will not question authority.

6. You will be rewarded for your compliance, not your integrity.

7. You will transcend what I feel are your limitations lest you suffer the consequences.

The Christmas Blog

Ah, the holidays. The days are their shortest, expenses are their highest, which means Christmas is upon us. The stress of holidays can be trying. The lack of sunlight has many scrambling to maintain that serotonin, naturally depression comes. December 21st through December 25th (and especially Christmas) has an interesting statistic associated with it. The spike in suicides is unmatched by any other block of days in the year.

So in the real spirit of the season here is a list of the 9 best ways to kill yourself. If this is a lonely depressing time there is a light for you that shines through the darkness.

** This list was compiled by our panel of experts and based on criteria of difficulty, effectiveness, and originality. You can learn more about our methodology here.

9. Carbon Monoxide Poisoning – This one starts off the list because it’s a suicide that’s painless. Have a garage? Great. Have a car and a home supply store near by? All you need to do is get some dryer ducts and route your car’s exhaust into the car or small confined space. If you drive an electric car buy a generator and run it inside an unventilated dwelling. You’ll just black out and all holiday stress will be alleviated.

8. Electrocution – It’s a trope, but effective. Take a digital bath. Remember, it only works if the device is plugged in! The tried and true device is a toaster.

*Note that this one of the more painful ways to go and not always instantaneous.

7. Overdose – Alcohol mixes well, and opiates and benzos mix well with it. Don’t puss out with fake ass “I took 50 benadryl” shit, do it the right way. Take a handful of Klonopin or Oxycontin and wash it down with a healthy serving (8+ drinks) of hard liquor for an easy way out.

6. Cutting – But don’t just slash a crosshatch into your arm. That’s so emo. Remember, lengthwise with the vein, otherwise you’re just a bitch that wants attention. New razorblades work the best.

5. Hanging – Brooks was here and you can be as well. Don’t have any rope? Guitar strings, belts, leashes, and even sheets can fill that role. Anything to cut circulation to your head and arrest your breathing.

4. Jumping – It’s not a wonderful life. Pick somewhere high and be quick. Don’t be one of these pussies that just stands there waiting for someone to come and talk them out of it. Remember, If you don’t jump you’ll have to pay for your rescue. You might as well…

3. Gunshot – You need a gun. Have previous 5150’s that prevent you from passing the background check? Hunting rifles can be bought at your neighborhood sporting goods store. STAY AWAY FROM BIRD SHOTS, you could live. Instead opt for a buck shot. 12 gauge is the most cost effective caliber. It worked for Kurt Cobain.

2. Train – You can’t hesitate. Walk your ass down to the tracks and at the last minute step out in its path. For comic effect hold an umbrella like you’re trying to stop it.

1. Death By Cop – This ones easier if you’re black. All you need to do is get pulled over. When the cop approaches make shifty movements. You’ll undoubtedly be stressed. Refrain from answering questions and keep reaching for the glove box in an agitated way. When the officer demands you to keep your hands in view, don’t. You’re now one quick motion away from ending it all.

There are many ways to go, and choosing the correct one is not always easy. Can’t decide? Get creative. Combine any of the previous for extra assurance that this is the last holiday season you ever have to endure.

Happy holidays, motherfuckers.


A story about a cult leader.

Year: 2037

It is not as spectacular as you might think. There’s Social Media Anonymous now. Trump’s plan succeeded and the 4th Reich came into glorious being and now we have to learn Mandarin in school. Technology has come along too.

And that’s where the story begins.

On a plot of land outside somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard (or California) was a compound. A holy place. It was the headquarters of a religious sect. They believed that the earth was a battleground for the sanctity of mankind. There were waring factions of good and evil fighting a war on a conscious plain. They believed it was very much like described in Christian Mythos and these were “angels” and “demons”.

The leader of this cult, as did those that followed her, possessed this ability to communicate with the side of good. They believed their mission was pure. They were saving the world, after all.

But cults prey on the weak and gullible. They ignored the advances in technology as well. For the Cult Leader had a special device she described as a gateway to the battlefield. Really it was like wifi for the mind – a “dongle”, if you will. She could literally broadcast thoughts on the theta band into people’s heads. She could uplink with their mind and manipulate at will.

This was especially useful for her system of brainwashing and convincing others of her bullshit. Breaking new members was an especially significant part of it. It was also selective. A certain wiring of the mind is needed for a connection to be made.

But what of those who refuse?

“Psssh, never met one yet”, she’d say. “The fun is in breaking them.”

Her work was pure. And resistance was futile. Once she targeted someone the uplink was permanent without certain medication that numbs the frontal lobe.

With total control over input she could put them in an unwinnable situation if they refused. Once the anger triggers are known it’s just a matter of persisting and antagonizing. Those who went through it say it’s excruciating.

The story was simple.

“Your defiance is a manifestation of Evil and Satan. This is war. Since you accepted evil into you they will destroy you because that’s all they really want. So you need to give in to “God” (her) to make it stop.”

They’d eventually break. It was ok because they were now keen on some of that hidden knowledge only the chosen possess. Off they’d go to systematically help her “fight the war”. (Harass others into submission, and then inclusion for being a pussy)

It’s a sick world of Patricia Hearsts where eventually you’ll not only sympathize but feel indebted to your capture.

She was also known to claim herself a prophet, specifically chosen by god to save the world.

They bought it all in droves. Those without the ability would believe and wish they were also chosen.

But no one was chosen, they just did too much speed or acid and now they talk to voices in their head.

Then along came someone that she couldn’t break. No matter how she tortured him he still wouldn’t give her what she wanted. It didn’t matter what she said he needed proof to her deceptive claims. There was no room for compromise. Him, lacking superstitious inclination meant she was only spinning the wheels of futility.

There was also something fraudulent about her. When she spoke it was like a shitty impersonation of a wannabe trickster. He wondered how she instilled trust to begin with.

Yet she kept at it, giving up was not an option, even as it dragged on an obnoxiously long time… and I’m gonna come cut your fucking head off if you don’t get to the god damn point. That or knock it the fuck off. And fuck you and your “leap of faith”, whatever the fuck you want to call it.

Wait.. this is a story about the future.

The End. 😁

The Law of Averages and Attraction

Formally “Reversing Reality: Revised Edition”.


This stream of thought has been revised, reworked, and refined a countless number of times, and yet again rethought. Now I will post this a third time. For now, this is the final edition. Yes, I’m posting this again. No, I don’t give a fuck how others define these terms.


Events that occur “in accordance with ones will” add an unnecessary operator by attributing it to supernatural forces. This argument posits that for this to occur two things must hold true.

1. Our experiences are  indeterministic.
2. This is influenced by the acausal.

The Causal

It could point to evidence of a possible interaction that suggests a “bottom up” construction of the objective made up by smaller components. Impact of the causal is limited to ‘what it can reach’.

With all things affecting one another, A butterfly effect is negligible to an ecosystem because it lacks significant impact, there is a threshold to what it can effect. It’s causal reach is minimized by other chains.

There is a shared experience of independent chains subjected to The Law of Averages. Every person experiences their own in a “collective” mashing of intersecting and interacting chains. Events cascade out and influence is proportional to impact. In other words: The Objective is an illusion created by its individual components acting on their own volition.

The Acausal ‘s Influence

I make the same intuitive leap as those that would argue “God did it”. Beyond that what is perceived as your ‘magical effect’ is only being interpreted as significant or causally related. Repetition of perceived results can at most be determined ‘anamolous’. All that can be definitively known is “it is a coincidence/statistical chance”. Like seeing the same number 5 times in a row on a roulette wheel, and drawing causal connection to yourself.

But can there be? Can you will a roulette wheel? Or is more like reading the “chance” of the situation and knowing when to place your bet?

As chance is the governing component, it must be applied throughout my explanation. And just like the roulette wheel, every spin is a new causal chain, with the same odds, but there is an increased chance that exists separate from the spinning of the wheel in the form of a naturally occurring equilibrium, the same equilibrium that brings you ‘counting cards’.

Consider the causal like each individual spin and the acausal like the board showing the trend of the day. And the mechanism by which numbers hit.

It is only counterintuitive to eliminate the divine, channels, and forces because people are programmed it by an imposed top-down world view. It is then believed you send out “intent” -> it goes through a relay -> and it “manifests”. That being the causal chain.

Seems more like:

Intent + psychodrama -> randomly occurring chance + timing -> retroactive assumption of effect.

But one might ask, “what about those ‘miracles’, those things that happen so synchronously that it must be a manifestation of something“?

Cop out answer: You at most “make it hit” through a spontaneous influencing of a remote chain and new sequence of events.  Like “jumping” causal chains.

Indeterminism + The ‘Spontaneous’ Chain

I will attempt to explain this with a willed ‘curse’ manifesting via indeterminism and a car accident.

Example: You’ve been cursed. Now you are driving and as you pass through a green light, smack. You’re t-boned. Consider the accident “Y”. The “X” (or “Z” in reference to your experience) is the moment the other car ran the red light.

The faulted vehicle explains that a (rotted) branch snapping off a tree near the intersection distracted them. This branch snapping becomes “X” in a new chain that both ends another(*) and results in the indeterministic crash.

(*) – the naturally occurring equilibrium.

Still, the magician can walk away feeling powerful. This, despite all the many variations of events that could have happened to retroactively take credit for. What are the odds of a tree branch snapping? What made it snap? Perhaps it’s just timing and inevitability?

This was a chain influencing their subjective causal experience, an unlikely occurrence and indeterministic from their perspective despite that the tree was rotted and was bound to snap eventually.

There will never be a way to prove that your intent has jumped to a remote chain and impacted it without the same pitfalls as all faith based religions.

In summation: The’divine’ exists through a process of confirmation bias and a possible ability to effect the causal through loopholes in its indeterministic nature. Our independent and shared experience exists apart from but is governed by an ebb and flow of chance and statistical probability.

You may do something, but it was likely to happen anyway. You can only take credit for timing.